Wrapped in the humid Hawaiian tropical evening air, I helped bring my not-so-mechanically-inclined friend, Les, up to the modest but respectable level worthy of his new home electronic entertainment system by connecting together his 54” Sony LCD Rear-projection TV, JVC 5-disc CD/DVD player with 5.1 surround sound speaker array, and Panasonic dual VCR/DVD player. After performing this minor miracle of electronic wizardry, I patiently explained the new, and of course, horrifying minutia required to correctly use the new universal remote, the universal remote that came with his JVC surround sound system – which, by the way, would effectively reduce his remote control count from three to two.
Although I can’t remember precisely when, somewhere along the way, as we made our way through this mind-numbing hell (hell for both of us but for different reasons) it occurred to me, that for every household – actually for every purchaser – of a consumer electronic product, for every item that is a hair more sophisticated that the average cassette tape recorder, there must be at least one individual who has the talent and skill to install and make that fantastic new item fully functional.
Traditionally in the western mass consumption world, that job has gone to anyone who was born somewhere around1960, or after – basically anyone who had to come to terms with the necessity of using a calculator that could perform standard logarithmic functions for math class (that is if you hoped to get a passing grade) and who has not completely reverted to the ball-scratching hominid you were before, retaining some of that knowledge after leaving school. Or, perhaps, you’ve just pasted your eighth birthday, or if you're somewhere in between. It really doesn’t matter how old you are. The point is you’re the one who isn’t the complete idiot compared with rest of the clan, cappice?
With the exception of existing in a rare enclave such as the genius-drenched halls of MIT, the vast majority of you – or us – the fearless residential gurus, the fearsome home-techies, in terms of sheer demographic numbers, we are vastly far out-numbered by the hordes of others, the sea of desperate electronic consumers who purchase these items by the millions every year, and who berate everyone and anyone with ear-shot of why the “damn thing doesn’t work”, all the while reassuring everyone of his or her gnat-like attention span. You know this, like you know that the sun will rise. These feckless fools don’t know crap, to put it bluntly, but they do know the most important for their needs at that moment and that is how to make a B-line to you.
Forget that idiotic Wired magazine headline a year ago or so that claimed that “Teenage Japanese Girls Rule the World.” That’s a load rubbish! Do you realize the level of power we, I mean the “collect-we”, home-techies actually wield? Well, do you? What do you suppose would happen if we simply went on strike, if we refused to plug in another RCA coaxial cable, neglected to find that universal remote’s brand code, never managed to figure out why some analog and digital apparatus simply don’t play well together, or just flat out refused to reset another digital clock?
I tell you precisely what would happen. The entire electronic consumer market would be brought to its shield twisted-pair knees! This is real power, boys and girls. Oh, yeah, this is scary big-ass, not-even-OPEC has anything like it, kind of power.
Well, what do say? Or, better yet, what do you want? I’ll probably be on my second “list of demands” by time you finish this sentence – but we all know, of course, that bottom-line is that this is a group effort. Regardless, I know one thing, however, I won't mind at all working with a group where it won’t be necessary to have to explain, for up-teenth million time, something pretty basic, like the reason that “damn thing” will not work is because you first must hook it up with a supply a power source – either put a battery in it, or plug it in to a wall socket – duh!! You bet I will work with this group. Hell, I might by a couple of you a cup of coffee.
Oh, umm … I was thinking, I never really like that name Toshiba. I’m thinking maybe Hung-booboo, or Bolo-Rasta! Yeah, definitely, I like that much better.
Oh no, gotta go ... somebody just grabbed that new remote control. Next time, mi amani.
